When does sexuality start?

When does sexuality start?

Recent research has confirmed what Freud said so long ago – that to a certain extent, we are sexual beings from the very start of our existence.

Some American scientists have even claimed during the last few years that with the aid of special X-rays, male babies can be seen rubbing their penises while still in the womb. However, not everyone agrees with their interpretation of these images.

Nonetheless, these days pretty well all experts agree that your sexuality has already begun when you are a baby.

Psychologists say that even the youngest infants feel warmth, closeness, bodily contact and pleasant sensations when snuggling up to their mothers and sucking at the nipple. Sigmund Freud stated that the learning of sexuality commences at the mother’s breast.

Medical personnel have found by careful observation of small boys that they often get erections – particularly after the age of about seven. But sexuality does not exist only in the genitals. It is part of everything surrounding you and who you are. That is why youngsters may become passionately fond of (say) a film star, or a pop singer – or a teacher.

So children are sexual beings in the same way that teenagers, adults and the elderly are sexual beings. Sexuality just manifests itself differently at different ages. But it is not till puberty – or sometimes considerably afterwards – that sex becomes a really powerful force.

Unfortunately, the fact that children have an inherent sexuality does make them vulnerable to predators. Parents should be aware of this fact – and try to be on their guard against those who want to exploit a child’s sexual curiosity.

When does masturbation start – and finish?

Many boys begin to touch and caress their sexual organs regularly when they are seven years old and by the time they reach puberty more than half of all males have tried to masturbate - either on their own or sometimes through play with their friends.

Females tend to begin to masturbate later in life, even though many little girls are quite curious about their genitals. Around the time that girls reach puberty, they may possibly begin to masturbate but often this does not occur till much later in their teens - or even 20s.

While 80 per cent of all boys have masturbated regularly by the time they are 16, only half that percentage of 16-year-old girls have masturbated. But some studies suggest that by the time they reach the age of 20, 80 per cent of girls have tried masturbation.

It is noteworthy that some females have now got the idea that if they don’t go in for regular self-stimulation, there must be something wrong with them! However, a woman who doesn’t masturbate is not abnormal. It’s just that we’re all different, and have differing sex drives, and express our sexuality in diverse ways.

What about the middle and later years of life? In general, people tend to masturbate rather less when they get married or form other permanent relationships. (However, recently we have found that in the 21st century, quite a lot of adults do sometimes go in for self-stimulation as part of their love-play with their partners.)

Masturbation becomes less common in middle age, though it is very likely to occur when (say) someone is away from his/her partner on a business trip. Naturally, it often becomes more frequent after a divorce, or a relationship break-up, when the person is left on her/his own in life.

It is clear that many older people feel the need to masturbate after they have been widowed for some time. They often feel very guilty about this, and need reassurance that there is nothing ‘perverted’ about them!

It is believed that 25 per cent of people in their 70s may masturbate though there are few reliable surveys of older people.

At what age does sexual intercourse start?

By the time they reach the age of 25, the vast majority of people will have experienced sexual intercourse - heterosexual or homosexual.

Only a very small percentage of men and women remain virgins throughout their lives.

The age at which sexual intercourse first occurs has dropped during the last few decades. While figures vary from country to country, it is thought that in the UK girls are likely to have sex for the first time at a slightly younger age than boys.

About a third of all boys and girls have had sex by the age of 16. About another third has had sexual intercourse by the time they have reached 18, and most of the rest will have sex in the following three to four years.

Regrettably, the age of first intercourse is continuing to drop. Although studies vary, most suggest that in Britain the average age when a boy or girl loses her/his virginity is now about 16.

Unfortunately, many of these teenagers don’t use contraception – and they may have no idea at all about the risks of sexually transmitted diseases.

A lot of youngsters aren’t aware that under the Sexual Offences Act of 2003, under-age intercourse is actually illegal. In England and in Wales, the ‘age of consent’ is the 16th birthday. The Law is slightly different in other parts of the UK.

How often do most people have sex and do they have hundreds of partners?

Many people brag and exaggerate about their sexual lives. As a result a lot of youngsters feel totally lost because they think that everybody else is having a wild and intense sex life, every night of the week, with lots of different partners.

As far as the number of partners is concerned, the truth is that throughout their lives most people will only have a few sexual liaisons - maybe five or possibly 10, though recent studies suggest that the average number is gradually increasing. Some people don't have that many, but a small group of highly sexed men and wome do have much more than that.

Boys in their teens tend to have orgasms three, or even four, times per week. Young adults are likely to have sex at least three times a week – if it is available.

Our recent (2004) studies suggest that for couples in their 30s or 40s, twice a week is about average.

After 50 it is more likely to be once a week, or less

When are you too old to have sex?

Never. Many men and women continue to have a satisfying sex life when they get older. If a person feels like it, there is no reason why sex should not continue into the 70s or 80s. There aren't any limits, providing the desire is there for both partners.

We have recently seen patients of almost 90 who were still enjoying a loving and happy sex life together. And we wish them the best of luck!